I wish I could punch you in the face.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
