Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
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This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
