You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
