I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
