i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
