this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
