So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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