This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
