Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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