His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
