I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
