You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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