Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
