I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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