if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
