You're completely useless in the revolution.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
