she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
