ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
