A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
