Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
