afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No subtext here. People are naked.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
