I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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