A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
