I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
this boner is exhausting
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
