HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my sisters under your porch take her home
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
