Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
