New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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