she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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