i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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