it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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