did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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