My nipple is on Facebook.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
