they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
