If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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