just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
