then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
