eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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