He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
