Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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