I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
