Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We had sex on a dog bed..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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