So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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