so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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