You smell like stripper and shame
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
