Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
