this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
