Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
