Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
