you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
