you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
