last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
