unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
