youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
