I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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