I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
