Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
