Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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